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Should there be a wedding after being married by a judge?

I just found out today that my 18 year old daughter got married by a judge 5 days ago. She has been acting strange since then and I asked her why she was smiling so much. She said nothing. I asked her if she got married she said no. I asked her now husband and he said yes we were going to tell you. Needless to say I was hurt. My daughter has always wanted a small wedding (Gatlinburg) or (Hocking Hills) so I was really surprised about this. She is not pregnant, I am a nurse and had her take a blood test which was negative (just to ease my mind). He is 24 years old, 2 years out of the Army and owns his home and is really a nice guy. My daughter told me tonight she would like to have a wedding. Am I wrong to disagree? I told her I would have her a "Wedding Shower" but I feel a wedding is ridiculous since she didn't want to include me in the first place. What do you think? Thank you!

Public Comments

1. She's your daughter and you'll always regret it if you don't do this for her (even though she was rude and didn't include you in the first place). I do think she is too young to be married though.



2. I think you should think about how she was feeling when they got married. She was probably scared to tell you that she wanted to do this and frightened of your reaction, especially being that she is only 18. Most parents aren't going to agree with their daughter being married so young, and she felt you didn't trust her judgment, and you proved that to her by making her take a blood test to determine pregnancy or not. I think if she wants to have a wedding, you should believe and trust in the decision she has already made, support her, and let her have the nice little wedding she wants! And I'm sure this would put a little less stress in the already stressful situation on both of you, good luck!



3. It really is up to her whether she wants a big wedding or not. If you disagree then advise her to pay for it herself.

   I have known people who elope and then have a large reception. I have also known people who were married in a non religious ceremony but then decided to marry in the church, so it has been done.

   Even though she is young she is still an adult so I say let her do what she wants, herself.




4. I think that a lot of people are going to see it exactly as you do, however, you do deserve nice wedding pictures of your daughter's wedding, too. This isn't as taboo as it once was. The other option is to hold a post-wedding reception. Throw a party to celebrate the marriage and be prepared to answer a lot of pregnancy questions. Good luck!



5. I think you're right. she completely went behind your back in the first place. I would want no part of her "wedding" I think it's dumb to have a wedding if you're already married anyway. Unless it's renewing vows. But seriously that is messed up. I can't believe that. especially since you seem to like the guy she was dating and you seem to accept him and her together. There was no reason for them to sneak around. That hussy...excuse me for that....just had to. lol



6. Yes, you can have them married in a chapel or a church or in a garden to be administered by a priest or pastor.



7. it's really not all that unusual. i am sorry she left you out, maybe this is her way of making up for it. a lot of people get married by the JP to get insurance or some other money issue that would only apply to married individuals, then have a bigger wedding later. just try to be happy for her now.



8. Why are you asking us to concur with you trying to control your daughters life? Mother dear, please step back and let her do what makes her happy in life, otherwise she will hold animosity against you whenever she looks back on what she could have, should have or would have done had you not interfered. Trust me on this one.

   Allow her to publicly renew her vows or have a reception as she pleases. You will better serve her by being submissive to her wants right now and making sure that she has the wedding of her dreams, even if it is not the way you would have dreamt it for her.




9. I think you should let your daughter have a wedding- my cousins were married by a judge and still had a wedding for their families sake, did it ever occur to you that maybe she feels bad about not including you in the first place and that shes trying to make up for it by getting married the way you wanted her to?? any way i hope you let her have her wedding, she deserves it and so do you!!



10. I see nothing wrong with it if she wants a religious ceremony. Many people get married by a judge and then have the church wedding later. The church doesn't see her as married until it is done in the church. Not sure if you all are that religious or not.

    I wouldn't do anything lavish though... regardless of what type of wedding she wants, i wouldn't do anything more than something small. You don't have to tell people she is already married.




11. I see no reason why she shouldn't also have a wedding. They can do a ring ceremony and have a reception. What matters is that she is including you now, so don't let the fact that you were hurt initially burn bridges. A wedding is a celebration of the couples relationship shared with friends and family, whether it happens after the legal marriage or not.



12. I think you are letting your hurt feelings run away with you. You missed out on the first wedding so you refuse to even consider a second wedding that you could attend? So you give a "thing" and call it a Wedding Shower, what's in a name except for the proving of an unnecessary point.

    Calm down mom. If they want to have a regular wedding ceremony they can do it even if they did actually get married by a judge. If you want to not take part in it, don't. If you cannot afford to have an affair then you need to say so but stop feeling hurt and stop taking it out on them. Perhaps they wanted the actual event of their marriage to be a private thing between them which is perfectly OK and now they want to have a wedding to include all their friends and family. Do not punish them with your display of displeasure.




13. She could have told you in advance that she was getting married. She chose to elope and say nothing. In fact, she outright lied to you when you asked her.

    Now she wants you to pay for her wedding after she's already married.

    I know I'm going to get a lot of thumbs down on this, but she's had her wedding. She made her choice - which is a perfectly valid one - and now she wants you to have a do over and have someone else pay for it? Nope. She could have asked for a wedding before she got married. Now she's going to have to live with the consequences.

    If she'd like a reception to celebrate with friends and family or a church blessing on her marriage, that's great, but I think she and her husband should pay for these choices.

    As adults, that's their job.




14. If they are married already they could have a vow renewal, lots of people do this, but it is not a "wedding", it's a vow renewal, if you are already married then you can't have another wedding. They could have a reception party following the vow renewal, this is becoming very popular these days.



15. She can have a wedding but it would really be a vow renewal. If she wants a 'wedding' she should wait until perhaps her fifth anniversary, then do a vow renewal ceremony.

    You should respect her wishes for getting married by a judge and not be so hurt.